The fellas are back! Kev Nash recaps his trip to Las Vegas that included a trip to dispensary, riding ATVS in desert, gambling, and flight delays!
Plus Killa, lives life as a single dad for a week! Stay connected with the fellas @Dj_Killa_Kev & @1KevNashon twitter & IG! Don’t forget you can find the pod on the Tunein app & stitcher app.
The fellas are back! Kev Nash recaps his trip to Las Vegas that included a trip to dispensary, riding ATVS in desert, gambling, and flight delays!
Instagram: @thelife1069 @wileysdayton @charliehestercomedy
Craterface – “Vikings vs Unicorns“
Killa Kev & Kev Nash are back talking about both Fyre Festival documentaries, Super Bowl 53 , biggest events they’ve ever attended, and classic road trip stories! Stay connected with the fellas @Dj_Killa_Kev & @1KevNash on twitter & IG! Don’t forget you can find the pod on the Tunein app & stitcher app.
I feel less tethered to the attachment of home. I no longer require a connection with it, or anything similar. Perhaps the wreck changed my perspective more than I previously anticipated. I am able to recognize situations for what they are and decide where to put my energy, what side to take, if there is one, what’s worth fighting for, and what’s simply not worth being recognizable. The Yosemite farm turned out to be a disappointment, it was certainly not as described and the conditions where very low while the work was basically just cleaning up after someone. It took me 2 days to find my next farm, a true paradise. Kingbird Farm is a 5-acre inholding within the 50,000-acre Cosumnes River Preserve. The preserve is a world-renowned refuge for a variety of resident and migratory birds and one of the best remaining examples of the valley landscape as it used to be. Kingbird Farms takes its name from the Western Kingbird, their most colorful and abundant summer migrant songbird. This farm and the family that lives here have helped me while I plot out my next destination, although I have already been asked to commit for a month, in which I said yes. I live in my own quarters detached from the main house, among the many, many plants, chickens, gardens, orchards, lakes, snakes, bees and trees, and of course, birds. There is an outside common area with places to rest and plenty of nature to be surrounded by. A brick oven is close, and the kitchen has large open windows and full service accommodations. I’m only about 25 miles south of Sacramento and 90 miles east of San Francisco. I’ve been to Sacramento twice already and my friend from D.C. is coming to visit soon. We will be going hiking in Yosemite, and staying with my cousin in San Francisco for a weekend. I also have a little bird from Tucson following me out to the farm for a week as she passes by, on her way to work another music festival. (Which I may go to with her, or at the least meet her at another shortly after) I have lined up all my next possible farms for my travels to the Pacific Northwest, as well for my travels back east, through Montana, factoring the weather, and eventually to D.C. for a promised month with my childhood friend. After D.C. I will make my way south to re-connect with the art collective crew again for a giant music festival in the Florida swamp. Most life changing journeys will give you the chance for reflection and an opportunity to structure your life experiences. The masters, teachers, fathers and mothers in my life have influenced my choices, for better or worse. But now I have been given the ability to prioritize what I have learned up to this point. I see everything, not just myself, although our individual happiness can only come through ourselves. I’ve done the work that it takes to be this morally responsible, loving human, but we are pigeons and guppies. Animal behavior studies give us an idea of where we came from and how we came so far. A guppy changes its colors to conceal itself from predators, but when they are ready to breed, their colors change to attract mates, which exposes them to predation and ultimately leads to their death. A pigeon quickly learns to do the right dance before hitting the button for its reward. After the right conditioning a dog salivates to the sound of a bell before its given its food reward. Primates are put to the test through morality experiments. The human species is far from immune from these types of triggers, but we have a thinking mind that is able to recognize the ego mind. The systematic patterns we trick ourselves into following are illusions given to us through these types of influenced behavior. You have to understand how all the pieces of this galactic pie work before you can go thinking you have it figured out. Because even when you find that door to open. It’s just a bigger room, with more doors. It’s scary, and easier to just settle with whatever monkey thought our brain has decided to latch onto this month. Society teaches us to be immoral, inconsistent, and afraid. When your ego puts value in a character flaw, it gives up the ability to be genuine. A large reason for this adventure has always been learning, of all types. For me, I’m doing the work that will give me more skills, awareness and love. Drinking and drugs were the illusion of light and love in my life. The vail that blinds your words and actions into selfish vanity and group minded thinking. Although not all group minded thinking can be bad. In many cases great and wonderful things can only be accomplished through a group of collective ideas, but in some cases the only way people can devo to abuse is within a negative group mind set. Ultimately people can wreck their reward system and build a foundation of entitlement in many ways. You can be a great person, but still get rejected because your level of character is above their level of values. I had been tricked into thinking those dopamine kicks were from something good I was doing with my life. But it’s just the group minded party, where everyone is patting themselves on their own back. Human puddles waxing their depth through their own ignorance. How do you believe a math or science professor? You see that he has done the work. He has gone to school to understand science, or math, or philosophy for 8 plus years in order to have that skill. Now take your life and do some reverse math of your own. Where exactly does your wisdom come from? When we take this honest look at ourselves most people find they are just full of shit, they pretend to meditate but can’t be alone for 2 hours. We can all put our best foot forward, but the ones of us that keep walking straight, light the path for others, while some follow crooked illusions. If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you. It’s not about this life being a test exactly, it’s the rewards you get in the next life, from how you live in this one that effect your future and your soul… Maybe, probably not, I don’t know. I’m just another talking ape shouting vowel sounds out from my head, who ultimately doesn’t know anything about life after death, best to stay present in this one. I’ll meet God soon enough, I hope he’s going to be proud of me, and if I’m trying to impress anyone, it’s her. When I ask for something and it’s shown to me, I see that as a sign. The universe is unraveling as it should, as everything should. What we choose to find meaning in is ultimately meaningless, good or bad. So be with people that are more than yes men, find people that push you and make you want to be more, or do more, find a life you can be proud of. Do the work it takes to actually be able to speak intelligently about your ideas and less contradictory with your promoted illusion of self. And when you have gotten closer to that awareness, go deeper. Be capable of all types of conversations and remember that we often see in others what is inside ourselves. Our ability to teach or guide comes from our experiences in life. The past gives you aptitude, understanding, and kindness. It will show you more love than can be measured if you look. Maintain your mindful potential and gain balance from it. True strength cannot be achieved without doing the work. Honor what you learn with compassion and understanding. Your hand will not shake and you will not lose your temper easily. Energy is a blessing, while most have barely enough to satisfy themselves, you will have enough energy to give back. A truly honest positive energy takes you to that next level. Do not fear the unknown. Look for more teachers. You are a caterpillar that collectively turns into those butterflies that transform their community. Earn those opportunities while working towards clarity and understanding. I am still digesting only a piece of the world, but the pieces are infinite. So we must be transcendence with that. Be water. Float through the oceans of life with love and giving, while leaving behind echoes of whom we use to be. Writing this blog is my last tether to the ground level, a feeling of looking back. At this point I’m not sure how much I enjoy looking back. I will happily remember things fondly. But through elevation those things are left behind. I no longer feel the rope, I cannot see the ground. I’ve learned how to fly and I have infinite places to see. Peace & Love
“We who wander this wasteland in search of our better selves”
The farm has our newest member, a girl who came from a pig and vegetable farm in Maine. She even brought us all the flu. And since we are sharing a trailer, I was first to go down, and on my birthday! (I’ve even quarantined myself to protect others) But now we all have the bug in some way or another, and that’s brought us solidarity in a funny way. The hybrid swine flu in her system crossed with whatever dirty, fart filled air she was exposed to in the plane, and then mixed with the apparent sickness that’s going around the lil town we are nestled in, between the mountains converged into a trifecta of illness that each of us also gets to add our own personal spin too. But ironically, it really has bonded us. Disinfectant wipes are everywhere! And rest is upon us. I’ve honestly needed the rest. The 85 plus hours a week has put my brain in lizard mode more than I like, but it’s helped me get paid and purchase my truck, a 2007 ford ranger, 4 cylinder, manual transmission with no electronic bells and whistles. This truck will run forever. The lizard has also helped me start the upgrade process for my new truck, a few minor repairs, along with adding a spray on bed liner and camper shell for my continued travels. With my own vehicle again I’ve been given back a considerable amount of freedom. I’m once again able to travel freely and experience more of what southern Arizona has to offer. I’m also able to go to Tucson more freely as well. So I’ve been lucky enough to spend most weekends in downtown Tucson. After the Friday and Saturday harvest for the Sunday market, me and the farm boss load up our trucks and drive into Tucson that night to avoid waking up at 5am Sunday morning. Joe, my farm boss was born and raised in Tucson, he has many connections and friends in the city, but also maintains a relationship with someone and tries to spend as much time with her as he can. I’ve also met someone. A 25 year old hippy girl with dreads past her ass, large framed glasses, and a half pointer / half pit bull named Mountain Girl. (after one of the Merry Pranksters) She is originally from Boston, so we communicate great! She can handle all my personality edges extremely well, and is even able to throw them back at me, she is not your typically soft hearted, uneducated, dirty hippy. Her name is Lindsay, which is a shared name and constant reminder for one of the great loves of my life. And although I will have to be letting this Lindsay go when my adventure takes me to Yosemite, I probably never should have let go of the first one, but I now realize she was the only girl that I loved enough to let go, and she loved me enough to do that same. I could never forget her, and every memory I hold with her is a great one. But old Lindsay and new Lindsay are completely different. Both amazing and beautiful, but different. I met new Lindsay at a telescope bar on the night David Bowie received his constellation in the sky. She is a total artist, even teaches at a school. Her house is covered with art. She is a flame worker and glass blower and will be the first to tell you she doesn’t make pipes. She travels with her troop to festivals and concerts to put on tutorial shows for glass working, and they display large set pieces with themes and lighting, and it’s all pretty amazing. The troop will be displaying their Space Rabbits at this years Gem & Jam festival. It’s a pretty far out chakra balancing theme meant to amaze and inspire. She did most the glass work for the rabbits, while other members contribute with lighting, back story, and overall entertainment value. I was able to check out the gem show as well, because she is also a vendor for a friend, who was an interesting guy for sure. With a $200,000 ruby as his center piece and gold dipped human drinking skulls for sale, it’s no wonder why he carries a gun, but I guess it’s not that big of a deal, because everyone is strapped in the AZ. But still.. Interesting dude. The Tucson Gem Show is coming to an end, and the festival is almost here. New Lindsay has really helped me, and not just by showing me Tucson. I love her dog too, and miss mine terribly. Mountain Girl gets so excited to see me when I visit, we go on hikes through the mountains and she’s even allowed in most places downtown. I can not thank the 2 of them enough. They have been the best friends and guides I could have hoped for. I stay with them most Saturday nights, before the Sunday market, which is really convenient. I’ve been shown my value again, by a tough, hippy girl from Boston. Some people prey upon your insecurities and exploit you for never knowing your worth. She did the opposite. By essentially telling me how fun and interesting and unique I am. Not just with her words or a smile, but through her eyes, and excepting me simply as I am, with or without her. It’s hard to explain how she became a temporary muse for me, but she does inspire me, basically just by being the beautifully genuine artistic girl wanting to be around me, helping me re-discover another lost piece of myself, and pulling out the best in me. Another friend I have made is Yosemite Bear! He owns the next farm I will be going to in April. We email each other randomly to say hello and check in, he confirms my desires to work on his farm, although he is insistent that we do not work on his farm. Everything is for fun, for art, and for passion, this will be my first communal farm, with an Eco village and genuine since of togetherness. He reminds me of the beautiful things I will see in Yosemite, how the town is alive with music, art, permaculture, healing centers, and how there’s a festival or 3 every weekend once the weather warms. He tells me I’ll understand that I’ve landed in paradise once I arrive. And I so much look forward to officially meeting him and learning what he is able to teach me. I don’t want to get my expectations high, nor do I want to get ahead of myself in Tucson, still the coolest city I’ve ever lived in. But Bear will also be helping me start video blogging on the podcast YouTube page, as well as coming on the Gem City Podcast with me for an interview with Izzy, Bear’s backstory will come to light as my journey continues, and he will most certainly be another interesting, and notable person I’ve been fortunate enough to encounter during my adventure. I hope Yosemite tries as hard to keep me as Tucson does.
It seldom rains in the high desert of Arizona during winter, but the hoop house is my favorite place on the farm when it does. It’s like a giant tent! and a day with rain, can become the most relaxing time on the farm. Because the rain is so rare, it’s truly seen as a gift. Raindrops can make you feel comfort and help clear your mind. As far as the desert applies, the rain benefits the whole eco system. Most of the plants in the desert are built to defend themselves. Harsh brush, needles, thorns, all for protection. Water is life in the desert. And keeping it is self defense. Rodents attack moist roots and live under many growing plants. The farm has a 3 foot deep rock trench to keep them out, but it’s always a battle. Our cat, Johnny Ringo (kitty) did his best to murder as many birds and mice as he could get his claws on, but the struggle is real, even for a cat, and hungry coyotes don’t discriminate. Apart from the sadness shared from loosing a pet, the farm and myself see bright blue gorgeous skies ahead. I have officially bought a new vehicle (thank you insurance) for my continued travels, and have a very exciting homestead in Yosemite awaiting me in April. Until then Southwinds is growing strong, I’m extremely happy to be a part of it, and always will be in some way or another. We have 2 new farmers, a couple who rode their bikes to the farm from Slab City. (Interesting place if you’re into the migratory experience through an artistic nomadic life) and another will be here very soon. Southwinds is back at the Rillito Farmer’s Market after the break and with 65 plus vendors and live entertainment, things are really starting to speed up, which I love. The market even has it’s own pavilion to support expansion and their community, not to mention the Rillito Park historic racetrack, the birthplace of quarter horse racing, opening in February, my birthday month! As well as the largest month long gem and mineral show in the country happening in every hotel, parking lot, convention center, and under massive tents peppered throughout Tucson! Also the Gem & Jam festival, the last weekend of the show, which I will be going to for one of the nights! Tucson is amazing, but so has been my perspective. By maintaining a course, life will be giving back to you. Now that I’m working 85 hours a week, both in farming and steel, my blogs will most likely slow until I find my pace, and time for new adventures. I’m beginning to think a year in a new place working this schedule is completely doable, and desirable, and I totally see myself coming back to Tucson, but the life of a digital nomad has it’s benefits. And traveling while working is a big one. All I need is the Internet to intermittently send and receive drawings and transmittals for projects. Other than that, I’m able to work, and see the world. (Thank you God) It’s good to be writing again. Even if no one reads my blog, it still helps me. Plus I know my grandmother reads, and that’s enough of a reason for me. I’m learning so much about other people, how and why they operate, not trying to understand, rather to simply except. It’s like my moral philosophy now. The sunsets and stars I’m sure helped me find that place, as well as new exciting friends, and downtown Tucson. But A beautifully unique women gave me the spark to commit to my dream. And hopefully I helped her in some way I’ll never know. The meta ethics of life can be questioned, but never answered, because life is beautiful, and unknown, which is why it’s beautiful. Hiking through rocks and waterfalls and cliff edges surrounded by giant cactuses and mountains certainly gives you perspective as well, but sometimes I miss the types of trees I’m use to, even with snow on them, I’m thankful for the friends I maintain contact with who remind me of how cold it is in Ohio during winter! And I miss them too obviously. This trail I’m on has become something more. I’ve always been someone who works hard for the goal, but this is the goal, I’m living it. I don’t know how I did it, it certainly wasn’t easy, but I’m living my goal. (Thank you God)
This year was my first Christmas alone, my first Christmas in Arizona, and the first time I’ve willingly gone to church in probably 20 years, all under yet another life changing full moon… Minus the elk. I decided to play it safe this time around by starting my Christmas morning attending mass at the San Xavier del Bac Mission. The church dates from the late 1700’s, when Southern Arizona was part of New Spain. San Xavier was founded as a Catholic mission and construction of the current church began in 1783 and was completed in 1797. I arrived an hour early to explore the grounds, and in a way mentally prepare myself for the morning service. My grandparents had raised my brother and I in Catholicism all the way up through confirmation, So technically speaking, under the eyes of the lord, I’m Catholic. We were sent to Catholic school after certain public school days of the week. At the time I was not excited about double duties of school, and after studying most major religions I’ve came to the realization that no one book could ever be the ultimate truth, and the institutionalized hypocrisy that’s taught to us as children can actually be harmful if used for anything other than loose guidelines as how to live a quality life. But I have also never been more grateful to have put in the work of Catholicism to the point of reaching confirmation. If you’re confused with the religions, being confirmed is basically the equivalent of a Boy Scout turning into an Eagle Scout for Catholic people. As a baby I had been baptized under the eyes of the church, and in 8th grade I passed my final sacrament, giving me the power of the Holy Spirit. Pretty bad ass right? It gets better, I was able to receive communion, the hypothetical body and blood of Christ in the form of a cracker and a sip of wine, the metaphysical cannibalism of my God! And as absurd as this all sounds, I was a bit afraid of walking back into the church after all those years and taking that look into myself on gods territory, under his roof, under the eyes of my soul, the universe, my placebo induced master, the inner voice.. It was a big deal for me. As I walked into the church I immediately noticed the beautiful mural paintings, bright with color and completely unique. The statues were amazing as well, but ultimately, this experience was happening within me, and my focus was inward. My childhood memories immediately came back to me while walking in as I dipped my fingertips in some holy water and made the sign of the cross. I knelt before entering the furthest pew from the front and began meditating. The mass was not starting for another 20 minutes, but after breathing and clearing my head for about 8 minutes I crossed my knuckles, went to my knees and prayed. I remembered the “Our Father” prayer, it took me a while to get it right but I did. At this point I was already in tears, mostly tears of joy, but sorrow as well. I had allowed myself to feel alone, but I wasn’t. Look, I’ll be the first to tell you that religion is ridiculous, but believing In something greater than yourself is not. Believing in something more is what gives you values. I imagine even men that believe in nothing honor a code, which also establishes their character. I’ve also noticed a slight resemblance with church and martial arts. Holding something sacred, Which gives you the motivation to accomplish the goal. One full lunar cycle ago I thought the universe took away that goal, but it really did give me everything. I felt I needed to thank God, for not only saving my life, but presenting me with more opportunities and experiences than I could have ever imagined. At this point of realization mass was about to start, so I finished up one last “Our Father” and brought my attention to the service. The priest did a great job, giving thanks and blessings, along with a few bible quotes and baby Jesus references. When the time came for communion I confidently stood up and got in line, like everyone else.. I’m not sure what I expected, but in a way, I may have expected people to ask me if I was even Catholic. The mission was mostly Indian, and my tattoos certainly raised an eyebrow or 2. But everyone was cool, and I only felt warmth. After receiving the Holy Spirit and getting back my godly powers I went back to my pew, knelt down, and proceeded to pray again. Although digesting my god was suppose to strengthen me, it actually caused weeping. I can’t really explain this one, I’m not a bible thumper, I’m not big on Jesus, and if I had to label myself (which I hate) I would call myself a Deist. But while at the mission I felt closer, as though I was inside an antenna to the universe. I believe historical places of worship are just that. Because I connected to something. As my tears were dropping onto the floor, back in my quit little corner pew, the outcome of my new possible futures were being processed in my head. I’ve always needed something to follow, to give myself to, to put my energy into, to love.. that void has been filled with drugs, alcohol, hockey, boxing, MMA, women, work, but never my dreams. Within the ashes of my wreck rose Southwinds Farm, (Southwinds are healing winds according to the ancient Indians of this land) a farm dedicated to sustainable growing and living. My quality of life on the farm is next level. They appreciate me and need me as much as I need them, and together, we will grow into something amazing. I have also been given an even greater gift from the ashes, one I never expected. The means to live, and pay for the life I’ve always wanted, the life I’ve been searching for, with all its options. In 2016 I will begin my new job at a major steel fabrications shop serving the greater Tucson area. The owners are 2 brothers with motivation and experience, their offices, steel yards, and fab shops are all clean, organized and ready for expansion. They have even agreed with my farm schedule, giving them just 2 days a week. 2016 will be a big year for me. My schedule will be: Monday & Tuesday at the farm. Wednesday & Thursday at the office. Friday & Saturday back on the farm. And Sunday’s are my days off, and market days! This full moon I was given the clarity to see the new life placed in front of me as a gift. I have made confident choices about my future, by aligning my work goals with my dream goals, I’ll be extremely busy these next few months, but I’ll be doing something I love every hour, something that provides for me and gives me the strength to maintain the course and see beyond the immediate desire and into the future. My foot is in the door at the steel company, after this winter (if you can call it that) they will try to pull my leg in, transitioning to half my time at the farm, the other half working steel. This is what I’ve always wanted, a high paying job doing what I know, steel. Joining with that will be my close connection to Southwinds Farm and the markets. If I decide to follow this path its logical progression is me planting roots in southern Arizona, getting land, establishing a satellite farm with Southwinds, and doing the things I love most, while getting paid for it. I’m back to believing in something greater than myself, so I will embrace my God, for allowing my focus to stay where it belongs. yeah I’m scared. Scared to not be able to continue my journey, but what is my journey? It’s finding those people, places, and things that fill my bucket and put wind in my sails, if I left because I was scared then I’d be leaving for the wrong reason. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. The farm and my new steel job want me to stay, treat me great, and will be able to provide me with the future I’ve always wanted, in a desert paradise. I’m not afraid to want for myself anymore. This life found me, I won’t run from a good thing anymore. After the mass had ended I knelt back down to pray, I thanked God for my life this Christmas, for the reset and the strength to make choices for myself. As I dried the tears from my face, I washed away my doubts. I will begin this new year with confidence and love, for the beautiful and expansive life that has been given to me.. and for the future that awaits me.
New Mexico is a beautiful, wild country. I’ve never seen so much wildlife.. Mule dears, rabbits, elks, big horn sheep, prong horns, bob cats, coyotes, and birds of all kinds. I’ve certainly taken full advantage of the adventures to be had, but I can no longer say my journey has been easy. After leaving White Sands I began my 3 hour night time drive back to Carlsbad, just hours away from thanksgiving morning. My state of mind and body was next level, I was at the most beautiful place in my life, feeling stronger, happier, and healthier than I’ve ever known. I cleaned my slate and the great unknown was ahead of me, but so was something else. One hour into my drive home I was involved in a 2 car accident. I saw the vehicle driving in front of me swerve left violently, and everything happened so fast after that, I’m not even sure I had time to do the same, or if I was worried about oncoming traffic. Either way, my destiny was set. A giant elk was clipped by the previous car and put down to 4 knees, seconds away from my windshield. Even on its knees, the elk was as tall as my Mazda 2, and there was nothing left to do but smash into the beast. My car launched over the elk after impact, flipping end over end once, than transitioning into at least 8 barrel rolls before coming to a stop. Everything that was in my car flew out, including the floor matts. Every airbag went off, except for the driver side. As I was flipping through the air waiting for my head to get smashed in everything slowed down and I excepted death. I found my peace and my hands did not shake. The vehicle behind me saw everything. The family came running out of their truck expecting to see me dead. Perhaps I did die in another universe.. But in this one, I was reborn. I got out of my destroyed car aware and feeling more alive than ever before. My worst injury was to my elbow. Most of the glass was flying through the air but some was also grinding against my body, so I will have a beautiful scar to remind me of this baptism. The family that saw my crash each shared a single major connection with me. The father was from Cape Town Africa, a destinations I had just previously added to the top of my adventure list. The mother was a writer and very successful podcaster, like guest on Oprah successful. And their daughter that also helped durning the crash had a giant gem (Gem City!) tattoo on her ribs. Together they all live in Durango Colorado, and they extended me an invitation if I’m ever in the neighborhood. But at the time of the crash they were visiting equally amazing family in that area. While I waited for my newest cousin to pick me up from Carlsbad, we shared stories and drinks, they fed me and even invited me to thanksgiving with them. It was surreal, the whole experience meeting them almost made the wreck worth it and I’ve made a friendship with them that I never plan to loose. The gauntlet of emotions this experience has put me through tested me for sure. Processing everything from fate to karma and the randomness of life. I have to admit, the first place I went was not a good one. My thoughts become poison for a moment. I was alive, but my last major possession, which was also my primary vehicle for my journey was destroyed. I wasn’t sure what more the universe could take from me. It certainly hadn’t help me. It seemed as though even the universe wanted to empty my bucket, but whatever this test is, I’ll pass it too. And still only be given a steady diet of obstacles and stolen opportunities. I now basically only have the clothes on my back. So… How would you feel after giving everything away, only keeping minimal possessions, then having that taken from you? I believed in nothing at that very moment, life was meaningless. The randomness of life was shown as gospel to me. My shit luck told me life had zero direction and karma was bullshit. My pursuit of happiness was magnified, but my respect for something greater than myself was lost. I contemplated the reasoning for this balancing event. I was infinitely happy and at peace those days prior to this happening to me. The balance was in my favor, so I actually thought the universe sent a fucking elk to try to take me down. I’ve wanted to die before, I’ve almost taken my own life, but whatever dark energy that’s been trying to end me, played her best hand that night and came up short. I walked away feeling more alive than ever before. I let go of all my bad that night in White Sands before the wreck, but even when I found what I was searching for, nothing had worked out. My life will never be the same, and I won’t waste it ever again, I wasn’t wasting it this journey, I was living it, and I’ll continue to live it, on my terms, even if it’s in poverty. Perhaps my life has been redirected for a reason. I’m still in a state of mind during my travels to embrace whatever direction my journey takes me. I truly see my life as a gift now, I’m going to enjoy everything I can on this planet with an elevated respect and consciousness. Learning farming and permaculture in this beautiful landscape has become more meaningful to me than I could have ever imagined. I see beauty and except loss in new ways. I now realize this was my final cleanse to truly begin my journey. I’ve went through a life changing experience and it tested me. What has been taken from me is nothing, what has been given to me is everything. Life is crazy.. Life is fucking beautiful, and I have no idea where I’ll end up. But I’ve been building myself up again, I’m stronger and happier and more alive then ever. I have earned God’s love, and now I no longer need it. Because I love myself for the first time in my life. Through becoming less, I have become more.
My WWOOFing experience here has been one of constant work. There is so much going on at Cielo Isla that most days we work sun rise to set. But durning this, I am working in paradise, learning as much as I’m working, and enjoying every breath I take in. Living in this desert mountain climate teaches you to dress in layers. You may be cold in the morning, but by midday, if the sun comes out (it’s always out) you will be hot, Especially in a greenhouse. Clothes are best put on in layers so they can be later taken off as the heat progresses. Even on a cold day, you can feel the heat of the sun on your face. Because of the weather, be it cold or cloudy there is no shortage of breaks, I’ve spent more than a few getting to know Chaco the raven better. If you can here him cawing, than you can call to him, and he will come. He is the size of a large hawk, and has no problem chasing real hawks. I’ve seen him chasing and doing barrel rolls at more then a few, it’s kinda awesome. He also gets right next to you and speaks, he cries, he yells, he even has conversations with you. Chaco may be the coolest animal on the farm, however they have some pretty social goats, a dog with the most beautiful white pearl and blue eyes and a cat that I’m falling in love with. I’m not a cat person, I don’t care whether this cat is male or female, I don’t even know it’s name. But kitty is kinda neglected by everyone else, and after petting him once, we sorta developed this connection. When she finds me, he runs towards me and starts to purr before I can even touch him. I toss her on my shoulders and he lays there while I walk the homestead, on my way to another project, toss the cat down, and begin the next lesson as I make the world my classroom. At times, and rightly so, I feel as though our intentions are not as recognized as our actions and manner. Without a proper follow through, it’s only a whisper. With most days spent getting hands on experience, it’s hard to believe I have any time off. And since off grid means zero to bad service. No wifi. Less blogging. But more learning. I had time to learn about natural hot springs, by getting in my first one! After a beautiful mountain canyon hike through a winding river twice and back again. This was a shoes off, water shoes on to cross the river, night time stars included type hike. The first hot spring was along the river, separated with strategically place rocks, while the other was dug within the ground, in grass, just as it sounds. I enjoy finding the treasure that take any adventure to the next level. The feeling you get at the top of a mountain, the perfect dive bar in the most unique little town, a soak in the hot springs after a rainbow of a hike along cliff edges and river passes. I have more planned, and not planned hikes in my future, because the feeling I get from sitting at the edge of a rock cliff watching the sunset. Meditating, praying, accepting life, gives me a meaningful one. At times I feel I have too much life to live to ever grow roots again. I’m afraid after my American adventure is complete, I’ll want to travel the world more. But one adventure at a time. Another adventure for me will be living in random places alone for the holidays. This thanksgiving I plan to spend in Santa Fe with a friend for a week before driving to Tucson. I still have many places I want to go in New Mexico before leaving, and having a guide, and host, is next level. Although finding my guide/friend wasn’t easy. Using my travel apps I’m able to locate Possible hosts who are willing and available to help out fellow travelers. But sadly, and in one case, admittedly these apps work much better if you are female. I contacted 8 people on one of my travel apps, 7 men, 1 women. 2 replies, both verified excuses from honest men, because I wasn’t a girl. Even female WWOOFers have told me how easily they are excepted onto farms and through travel apps. Ugh. Is sex the only thing that matters? As I travel, and take weekend breaks in the surrounding cities, I’m reminded of how creepy men can be, because when I give up on the travel apps, and go to Craigslist. I post in the plutonic section for everyone. I’m very specific in my post. I explain my adventure, give them a photo, reference my blog, tell them I’m straight but not looking for anything, working on myself, blah blah blah. But 95% of the responses I get back are dudes trying to fuck me. This is a problem, too many creepers, not enough genuine people. People says they want more friends, but it often seems like it’s just for sex. It’s not genuine. I’m searching for genuine. I’ve tried the bi thing. Throw in a hot girl and maybe, but man, I’m trying to live my life! Not let it be controlled by sex. Sex can run and destroy your life. Be careful. Reject the primate brain and transcend. Establishing a relationship is better than just a random creeper hook up. It’s genuine. Controlling the ego monkey brain gives you more power, and God respects that control. The Universe will be proud of 2 people who just become friends, simply and beautifully, it looks down on creepers just trying to get off. I look forward to not getting myself off (abstinent for like 3 months!) while experiencing everything about New Mexico and more specifically, Santa Fe, and During thanksgiving! I’m finding reason, and controlling that reason through the madness of this beautifully chaotic life. It seems everyone’s life is powered by something, so why not love. If the sun rises and sets for your love. Then it’s powered by your love for it. And that’s a sustainable energy worth a lifetime. 2 if you’re lucky..
Sustainability is great, but the grid is still a nice place to stay connected to, just not dependent on. When I’m finished with my journey, if I ever finish my journey, I hope to find myself in a life where I’m working a job I love, possibly back in the steel industry, and farming a few acres of land with my closest friends. My dream is not to become a farmer, my dream is to learn how to farm at a level I can apply to my future. And since I’m technically living my dream, I’m going to fly. I’m going to make this dream last. National parks, state parks, big cities, small ghost towns, caves, waterfalls, mountains, the stars… every scene and landscape I can experience, I will. But while my travels are just beginning, I’m learning about modifications to my inventory. I have consolidated all my farm/work clothing and transferred them from the plastic bins into a duffle bag specifically for working. This simple mod will be efficient because while I’m committed to a farm, it’s easier to keep clothes separate. Dirt and dust get everywhere, you wash yourself, and your clothes about once a week, unless you’re particular dirty. And the ability to keep and organize space will effect the pace of my adventure. This upgrade has also opened up a bit more space in my plastic bins, which makes it easier to find an outfit on the days I’m not lost in the wilderness. Another big upgrade was getting back one of my iPads from my family at The Gem City Podcast. One of them went a little buggy about a year ago, so I replaced it, but still kept the old one. I originally wanted to be as disconnected as possible from technology, but after 10 blogs on an iPhone, I quickly realized a larger screen with a keypad would streamline my blogging. And in those moments I choose to connect back to the grid for some Bob’s Burgers on Netflix, the iPhone can not compete with the iPad. My final upgrade is simple, although my grooming is extremely minimal while I’m in the wilderness, and I have no problem allowing my beard to get out of control, my neck line is a different matter. After a couple weeks the stubble on my neck gets itchy and uncomfortable. A small mirror will quickly fix this, and prevent me from hacking up the glorious beard I’ve been growing.
These are the first revisions to my adventures, and hopefully the last. If I can maintain my traveling and camping techniques while increasing my pace I should be able to magnify the mystery of this marvelous experience.