By | May 25th, 2016|Gem City Blog|

099I feel less tethered to the attachment of home. I no longer require a connection with it, or anything similar. Perhaps the wreck changed my perspective more than I previously anticipated. I am able to recognize situations for what they are and decide where to put my energy, what side to take, if there is one, what’s worth fighting for, and what’s simply not worth being recognizable. The Yosemite farm turned out to be a disappointment, it was certainly not as described and the conditions where very low while the work was basically just cleaning up after someone. It took me 2 days to find my next farm, a true paradise. Kingbird Farm is a 5-acre inholding within the 50,000-acre Cosumnes River Preserve. The preserve is a world-renowned refuge for a variety of resident and migratory birds and one of the best remaining examples of the valley landscape as it used to be. Kingbird Farms takes its name from the Western Kingbird, their most colorful and abundant summer migrant songbird. This farm and the family that lives here have helped me while I plot out my next destination, although I have already been asked to commit for a month, in which I said yes. I live in my own quarters detached from the main house, among the many, many plants, chickens, gardens, orchards, lakes, snakes, bees and trees, and of course, birds. There is an outside common area with places to rest and plenty of nature to be surrounded by. A brick oven is close, and the kitchen has large open windows and full service accommodations. I’m only about 25 miles south of Sacramento and 90 miles east of San Francisco. I’ve been to Sacramento twice already and my friend from D.C. is coming to visit soon. We will be going hiking in Yosemite, and staying with my cousin in San Francisco for a weekend. I also have a little bird from Tucson following me out to the farm for a week as she passes by, on her way to work another music festival. (Which I may go to with her, or at the least meet her at another shortly after) I have lined up all my next possible farms for my travels to the Pacific Northwest, as well for my travels back east, through Montana, factoring the weather, and eventually to D.C. for a promised month with my childhood friend. After D.C. I will make my way south to re-connect with the art collective crew again for a giant music festival in the Florida swamp.  Most life changing journeys will give you the chance for reflection and an opportunity to structure your life experiences. The masters, teachers, fathers and mothers in my life have influenced my choices, for better or worse. But now I have been given the ability to prioritize what I have learned up to this point. I see everything, not just myself, although our individual happiness can only come through ourselves. I’ve done the work that it takes to be this morally responsible, loving human, but we are pigeons and guppies. Animal behavior studies give us an idea of where we came from and how we came so far. A guppy changes its colors to conceal itself from predators, but when they are ready to breed, their colors change to attract mates, which exposes them to predation and ultimately leads to their death. A pigeon quickly learns to do the right dance before hitting the button for its reward. After the right conditioning a dog salivates to the sound of a bell before its given its food reward. Primates are put to the test through morality experiments. The human species is far from immune from these types of triggers, but we have a thinking mind that is able to recognize the ego mind. The systematic patterns we trick ourselves into following are illusions given to us through these types of influenced behavior. You have to understand how all the pieces of this galactic pie work before you can go thinking you have it figured out. Because even when you find that door to open. It’s just a bigger room, with more doors. It’s scary, and easier to just settle with whatever monkey thought our brain has decided to latch onto this month. Society teaches us to be immoral, inconsistent, and afraid. When your ego puts value in a character flaw, it gives up the ability to be genuine. A large reason for this adventure has always been learning, of all types. For me, I’m doing the work that will give me more skills, awareness and love. Drinking and drugs were the illusion of light and love in my life. The vail that blinds your words and actions into selfish vanity and group minded thinking. Although not all group minded thinking can be bad. In many cases great and wonderful things can only be accomplished through a group of collective ideas, but in some cases the only way people can devo to abuse is within a negative group mind set. Ultimately people can wreck their reward system and build a foundation of entitlement in many ways. You can be a great person, but still get rejected because your level of character is above their level of values. I had been tricked into thinking those dopamine kicks were from something good I was doing with my life. But it’s just the group minded party, where everyone is patting themselves on their own back. Human puddles waxing their depth through their own ignorance. How do you believe a math or science professor? You see that he has done the work. He has gone to school to understand science, or math, or philosophy for 8 plus years in order to have that skill. Now take your life and do some reverse math of your own. Where exactly does your wisdom come from? When we take this honest look at ourselves most people find they are just full of shit, they pretend to meditate but can’t be alone for 2 hours. We can all put our best foot forward, but the ones of us that keep walking straight, light the path for others, while some follow crooked illusions. If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you. It’s not about this life being a test exactly, it’s the rewards you get in the next life, from how you live in this one that effect your future and your soul… Maybe, probably not, I don’t know.  I’m just another talking ape shouting vowel sounds out from my head, who ultimately doesn’t know anything about life after death, best to stay present in this one.  I’ll meet God soon enough, I hope he’s going to be proud of me, and if I’m trying to impress anyone, it’s her. When I ask for something and it’s shown to me, I see that as a sign. The universe is unraveling as it should, as everything should. What we choose to find meaning in is ultimately meaningless, good or bad. So be with people that are more than yes men, find people that push you and make you want to be more, or do more, find a life you can be proud of.  Do the work it takes to actually be able to speak intelligently about your ideas and less contradictory with your promoted illusion of self. And when you have gotten closer to that awareness, go deeper. Be capable of all types of conversations and remember that we often see in others what is inside ourselves. Our ability to teach or guide comes from our experiences in life. The past gives you aptitude, understanding, and kindness. It will show you more love than can be measured if you look. Maintain your mindful potential and gain balance from it. True strength cannot be achieved without doing the work. Honor what you learn with compassion and understanding. Your hand will not shake and you will not lose your temper easily. Energy is a blessing, while most have barely enough to satisfy themselves, you will have enough energy to give back. A truly honest positive energy takes you to that next level. Do not fear the unknown. Look for more teachers. You are a caterpillar that collectively turns into those butterflies that transform their community. Earn those opportunities while working towards clarity and understanding. I am still digesting only a piece of the world, but the pieces are infinite. So we must be transcendence with that. Be water. Float through the oceans of life with love and giving, while leaving behind echoes of whom we use to be. Writing this blog is my last tether to the ground level, a feeling of looking back. At this point I’m not sure how much I enjoy looking back. I will happily remember things fondly. But through elevation those things are left behind. I no longer feel the rope, I cannot see the ground. I’ve learned how to fly and I have infinite places to see. Peace & LoveKingbirdFarmwithLindsay (115)KingbirdFarmwithLindsay (178)263KingbirdFarmwithLindsay (288)KingbirdFarmwithLindsay (79)


“We who wander this wasteland in search of our better selves”