New Mexico is a beautiful, wild country. I’ve never seen so much wildlife.. Mule dears, rabbits, elks, big horn sheep, prong horns, bob cats, coyotes, and birds of all kinds. I’ve certainly taken full advantage of the adventures to be had, but I can no longer say my journey has been easy. After leaving White Sands I began my 3 hour night time drive back to Carlsbad, just hours away from thanksgiving morning. My state of mind and body was next level, I was at the most beautiful place in my life, feeling stronger, happier, and healthier than I’ve ever known. I cleaned my slate and the great unknown was ahead of me, but so was something else. One hour into my drive home I was involved in a 2 car accident. I saw the vehicle driving in front of me swerve left violently, and everything happened so fast after that, I’m not even sure I had time to do the same, or if I was worried about oncoming traffic. Either way, my destiny was set. A giant elk was clipped by the previous car and put down to 4 knees, seconds away from my windshield. Even on its knees, the elk was as tall as my Mazda 2, and there was nothing left to do but smash into the beast. My car launched over the elk after impact, flipping end over end once, than transitioning into at least 8 barrel rolls before coming to a stop. Everything that was in my car flew out, including the floor matts. Every airbag went off, except for the driver side. As I was flipping through the air waiting for my head to get smashed in everything slowed down and I excepted death. I found my peace and my hands did not shake. The vehicle behind me saw everything. The family came running out of their truck expecting to see me dead. Perhaps I did die in another universe.. But in this one, I was reborn. I got out of my destroyed car aware and feeling more alive than ever before. My worst injury was to my elbow. Most of the glass was flying through the air but some was also grinding against my body, so I will have a beautiful scar to remind me of this baptism. The family that saw my crash each shared a single major connection with me. The father was from Cape Town Africa, a destinations I had just previously added to the top of my adventure list. The mother was a writer and very successful podcaster, like guest on Oprah successful. And their daughter that also helped durning the crash had a giant gem (Gem City!) tattoo on her ribs. Together they all live in Durango Colorado, and they extended me an invitation if I’m ever in the neighborhood. But at the time of the crash they were visiting equally amazing family in that area. While I waited for my newest cousin to pick me up from Carlsbad, we shared stories and drinks, they fed me and even invited me to thanksgiving with them. It was surreal, the whole experience meeting them almost made the wreck worth it and I’ve made a friendship with them that I never plan to loose. The gauntlet of emotions this experience has put me through tested me for sure. Processing everything from fate to karma and the randomness of life. I have to admit, the first place I went was not a good one. My thoughts become poison for a moment. I was alive, but my last major possession, which was also my primary vehicle for my journey was destroyed. I wasn’t sure what more the universe could take from me. It certainly hadn’t help me. It seemed as though even the universe wanted to empty my bucket, but whatever this test is, I’ll pass it too. And still only be given a steady diet of obstacles and stolen opportunities. I now basically only have the clothes on my back. So… How would you feel after giving everything away, only keeping minimal possessions, then having that taken from you? I believed in nothing at that very moment, life was meaningless. The randomness of life was shown as gospel to me. My shit luck told me life had zero direction and karma was bullshit. My pursuit of happiness was magnified, but my respect for something greater than myself was lost. I contemplated the reasoning for this balancing event. I was infinitely happy and at peace those days prior to this happening to me. The balance was in my favor, so I actually thought the universe sent a fucking elk to try to take me down. I’ve wanted to die before, I’ve almost taken my own life, but whatever dark energy that’s been trying to end me, played her best hand that night and came up short. I walked away feeling more alive than ever before. I let go of all my bad that night in White Sands before the wreck, but even when I found what I was searching for, nothing had worked out. My life will never be the same, and I won’t waste it ever again, I wasn’t wasting it this journey, I was living it, and I’ll continue to live it, on my terms, even if it’s in poverty. Perhaps my life has been redirected for a reason. I’m still in a state of mind during my travels to embrace whatever direction my journey takes me. I truly see my life as a gift now, I’m going to enjoy everything I can on this planet with an elevated respect and consciousness. Learning farming and permaculture in this beautiful landscape has become more meaningful to me than I could have ever imagined. I see beauty and except loss in new ways. I now realize this was my final cleanse to truly begin my journey. I’ve went through a life changing experience and it tested me. What has been taken from me is nothing, what has been given to me is everything. Life is crazy.. Life is fucking beautiful, and I have no idea where I’ll end up. But I’ve been building myself up again, I’m stronger and happier and more alive then ever. I have earned God’s love, and now I no longer need it. Because I love myself for the first time in my life. Through becoming less, I have become more.

 

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